My search for truth started in about 1993 when I had a
spiritual experience that propelled me back into activity in the
LDS church. I had been raised LDS, but had been inactive for a
number of years. But, after this spiritual experience, mainly
because I didn’t know anything else, I ended up back in the LDS
church. For three and one half years I was about as active and
as dedicated as anyone can be. I attended the temple, held
Family Home Evening, prayed, and read the Book of Mormon with my
children, served in the Primary, on the Ward Newsletter, taught
Sunday School and was in Young Womens. At the same time I had a
passion to find out all I could about Mormonism (I was a LDS
apologist in the making), and about what God had to say. Because
of that I read all the Standard Works several times over.
In the meantime, my marriage fell apart, and I met and married
my present husband. He was raised LDS too, had been out of the
church, but came back about the time I met him. I thought we
were headed for the Celestial LDS life. However, God had other
plans for my life, and about one month after we got married my
husband got saved and shared with me he could no longer attend
the LDS church.
This, needless to say, caused some difficulty in our new
marriage, and we spent hours in discussion trying to come to
some consensus on what truth was. He and I literally spent hours
and hours in prayer trying to get truth the LDS way (by praying
and getting a testimony). We searched the scriptures,
rationalized, and more. Through it all though God was working. I
can’t tell you the times God brought me back to peace: telling
me that there was truth, and that in His time, He’d lead me
there.
After about a year of this turmoil, while praying, God spoke
very clearly to my heart, telling me to follow my husband when
he finally made up his mind. As far as I could tell, this seemed
to agree with LDS teachings, and with biblical teachings, so I
agreed with God. Of course I really believed that God would
bring us together–LDS style! A month or so later my husband made
up his mind, but it wasn’t for the LDS church. What a shock!
I can’t tell you the anguish I went through as I prepared to go
to my Bishop, hand in my temple recommend, and resign from my
calling with the Young Women (1st Counselor). It was only my
implicit trust in God that got me through it. Leaving the church
was possible the most difficult thing I’ve ever done–and even
then I hadn’t really left in my heart–I was just going through
the motions.
The first Sunday after I left, my husband and I visited a little
Southern Baptist Church in my hometown. I was scared to death! I
wouldn’t even let my husband sign a visitors card, I was so sure
those Baptist were going to attack me. I look back now though
and can see God’s hand on the whole thing, from our accidently
visiting that church because they just happened to have the
latest service and our daughter was up all night long, to my
accidently having Wednesdays off, when they had a ladies Bible
study, to a friend from college accidently attending that church
and even being in charge of the ladies group ... well, maybe
you’re getting the picture. God had His hand on every detail of
our transition.
After leaving the LDS church I continued to study, study, study,
but this time I used only the Bible as my study tool. I had to
determine for myself if what it taught contradicted LDS doctrine
or not. In my mind that was the only criteria that counted. (I
refused to even look at the historical evidences against the LDS
church; the Book of Mormon stuff, the Book of Abraham
controversies, or any of the rest that is sometimes used by
those seeking to get LDS folks out of the church).
In my search for truth, the biggest issue for me was the issue
of the trinity. I simply could not believe it! So, I set out to
do a dissertation about this very issue. I started reading the
Bible from the beginning, making note of every single reference
that hinted at the nature of God. After I had done that as
thoroughly as possible, I read Talmage’s "Articles of Faith"
which explains in great detail the LDS perspective of who Jesus
is and who God is, read what the Church had on the internet
about God (the internet was in its infancy then, so not much was
available online yet), and in various Sunday School books, and
then I read some Christian books, including the various Creeds
to try to at least understand what Christianity believes, and
why. What happened next amazed even me! As I looked at my list
of Bible passages, what I came to see is that the Bible teaches
the traditional Christian doctrine of the trinity, and not
the
LDS view. It was a shocking moment, but against overwhelming
evidence I had to bow to what the Bible taught.
In the meantime, at the Ladies Bible Study I had started to
attend (at the invitation, and the welcome of this Christian
lady from college), I saw other things as well. There were lots
and lots of passages in the Bible that I had struggled with,
trying hard to understand just what they were saying from a LDS
perspective–passages that did not make sense when looked at from
LDS doctrine, that this study explained in a simple,
understandable manner, and most importantly in a way that made
sense of the whole passage, or whole text.
Suddenly it was if blinders came off my eyes. I was able to
see–really see! And, most importantly, when looked at from the
perspective of traditional Christianity, the Bible made sense!
Since that time, I’ve had years to spend studying the scriptures
more, and I have to say it just gets better and better. My walk
with God is more passionate, more amazing, and more gracious
than its ever been. And, the really amazing thing for me is to
realize that my walk with Him every day is not dependant on how
I feel–but on rather, who He is. And, He, above all else is
worthy, and faithful.
— Katrina