To begin with, I was raised as a 6th generation Mormon (on both
sides) in Layton, Utah. All of my family members on both my
mother and father’s sides were all Mormons. At family reunions
there were surely dozens of people I had little or no
recollection of, but I could be assured, they were all Mormons.
Very nearly every friend I ever had growing up from the time I
was four years old to the age of nineteen, were all Mormon. I
was truly a product of the “Utah Mormon bubble.”
For one reason or another, I seemed to always be selected for
church youth leadership positions, despite my internal
objections. First deacon's quorum president, then teacher’s
quorum president, and then I became the first assistant to the
bishop when I was made a priest at sixteen.
My father was a returned missionary, and as far back as I can
remember I had been told to prepare to serve a mission, and
there was never a time that I can remember where I ever doubted
that I would. I received my mission call on my 19th birthday, I
was “called” to Rochester, NY for the next two years of my life.
Even if I had not been so willing to go, staying home would have
been out of the question; there was a large stigma attached to
young men who would not serve a mission in Utahan Mormon
culture, plus all of my friends were leaving on their missions,
so there wasn’t much for me to stay home for. Little did I know
my mission would change my life forever.
The first year or so of my mission left me very worn out and
frustrated that people would not hear our message. I felt very
lonely and depressed. I couldn’t stand confrontation, and we
were faced with it continuously. But these confrontations,
particularly with “born-again Christians,” really started me
thinking. I could simply not wrap my head around the reasons why
any Christian could look at my religion as “evil,” because in my
way of thinking, the church was responsible only for compelling
people to do good! How could such an organization possibly be
evil?!?
When I had been on my mission for about a year, a Mormon Church
member handed me an old article on the topic of the temple
“second anointing” ordinance. You may not have ever heard of it,
at the time I certainly had not; the church has all but
discontinued the practice, but the article clearly showed Joseph
Smith’s teaching that the second anointing was a requirement for
exaltation. I felt very confused, almost betrayed that there was
more temple ceremony I had not been told about, more
requirements for exaltation. I wondered why I had never been
told. Digging deeper and learning more about the history behind
the temple ceremony I found out about its roots in freemasonry.
I read a Mormon apologetic book about the temple-freemasonry
connection, but it left me with far more questions than it
answered. I really began questioning many aspects about
Mormonism and about Joseph Smith.
The biggest issue I began to face while on my mission was the
Mormon concept of God. I found it difficult to put my full faith
in a being confined by space and time in a physical body; a body
living who knows how many millions of light years away on some
distant planet rotating around the star “Kolob.” I thought, “If
he’s there…and I’m here… truly he cannot be a personal god!
There was no way a being such as that could know the thoughts
and struggles in my heart, one heart among billions of other
humans.” The assertion that a mere man, glorified or not,
created the earth and the stars and the vastness of the universe
seemed to me to border the ridiculous. To put it simply, the
Mormon god lacked majesty. He was not creator, but merely the
created. If I were to believe in God, it would have to follow
that God would have to be more majestic than His creation. He
could not be bound by natural laws, space, or time as is the
Mormon god is, He must be the originator of them. After a great
deal of reflection about God, the temple, and other issues, I
began to face a reality: if the Mormon concept of God is an
impossibility, then the truthfulness of the church was an
impossibility as well.
Unfortunately I held the position that if truth did not lie in
Mormonism, then there simply was no truth. Because of my
conclusions about the Mormon god, I turned to atheism instead,
and I broke the news to my friends and family a few months after
returning home from my “honorable mission” in 2001. I began my
new life as an atheist, actively seeking after whatever
indulgences the world had to offer.
Back to my mission story: the experiences of my mission did
change my life, but none so much as meeting a certain Christian
girl, Annette. I had never seen anyone so serious and dedicated
in her faith. She really did seem to be “in love” with Jesus.
This confused me, because up to this point I was certain that
non-Mormons could not really have a genuine fervor for their
faith (I was actually that naïve). I continued talking to her
upon returning home from my mission, and went to visit her three
months later. Eventually our relationship came to a dead end
because of our incompatible faiths, and we discontinued talking
for about a year. It was at this time I began seeking after the
world.
After this period of non-communication, I contacted Annette
again to tell her that I missed her and still had strong
feelings for her. But because of the worldly person I had
become, and because of fear of losing her again, I lied to her
about my new worldly identity, and through time and careful
omissions of the truth, convinced her that marriage to me would
be a good idea. So I packed up and moved back to Rochester to be
with her.
At the time I moved back to Rochester (January 2005), I began
rekindling a belief in deity, and began attending a Baptist
church with Annette. But, mostly out of fear, I was still toying
with the possibility that the Mormon Church might actually be
true after all. At this point I wasn’t sure if the Mormons or
the Christians had it right, but I also didn’t really feel that
it mattered, mostly because I didn’t truly understand how wide
the divide really was. True to my pattern, I hid from her that I
was secretly entertaining the belief that the Mormon Church
might still be true.
Eventually the fake world I created began crumbling down around
me, along with everything else. Living unequally yoked with a
real Christian was unbearable. I just couldn’t fake it. My lies
were exposed, and I deeply hurt my wife. Our marriage held on by
threads; at times I desperately wanted to divorce, other times
all I could think of was staying together. I was torn in equally
in three different directions; I wanted a divorce and to go back
to worldly living, but I also wanted to be a Christian and be
married to Annette, but also wanted to be a Mormon! That
sentence must sound so strange but that’s really how I felt.
Clearly, one path had to be chosen. You can’t be those three
things anymore than you can travel North, East, and West all at
the same time. My indecision, combined with the tremendous
tension rising in my marriage left me in ruins. I was
contemplating suicide, fearing living the rest of my life never
really knowing what truth was.
It was finally in this broken state that God could now work with
me. It was July 2006, 3 a.m. I had just finished a screaming
match with my wife; she was in the bedroom I was in the living
room. I decided to pray, a prayer unlike any prayer I had ever
prayed. I remember saying something like this, “Dear God, I have
no idea what is true. I have no idea who you really are, I’ve
heard so many different things; but I do know this: if I don’t
find out, I will probably find a way to die. So I come to you
now on your terms, with no preconceived notions of my own.
Everything I’ve done without you thus far has left my life in
devastation. Please show me the way, I will follow. Show me what
you want me to do, I will do it. Please God, just show me who
You are.” I then got online and began to search.
The Lord completely guided me that night. I had been so certain
it would be a lifelong struggle to figure out if the Mormon
Church was right or wrong, and after a life of searching I would
still probably die never really knowing. But then, in one night,
in the clearest and plainest of ways, God lead me to the
knowledge I was so desperately seeking. He showed me how the
Mormon Church was founded by a false prophet following a false
god. Then God, through His word, taught me who He really was. I
immediately fell to my knees thanking Him for opening my eyes. I
prayed again, and admitted to Him that I was a sinner deserving
hell, unable to save myself, and I plead with Him for
forgiveness. I told Him I believed in the divinity, the death,
the burial and the resurrection of His Son, and that I would
then turn from my sin to Him, as the only way of salvation. I
asked Him into my heart and asked Him to be the Lord of my life.
That moment I was given a new life in Jesus. That night God gave
me the greatest gifts ever given, the gift of forgiveness from a
holy God, and the assurance of my salvation. Nothing has or ever
will give me more hope or more joy, or more peace than knowing I
am forever and ever in God’s grace through His Son, and that
nothing could ever change that. The experience of freedom I have
been given from the bonds of the world and the bonds of
Mormonism has been beyond words. Jesus said, "If you hold to my
teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the
truth, and the truth will set you free." Truer words have never
been spoken.
My life since salvation stands as a witness to 2 Corinthians
5:17, “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature:
old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”
Jesus truly gave me new life when I was born again. My entire
outlook on life and my priorities have all changed; I am now
free to live for Him! Life has been infinitely more meaningful
since coming to Jesus. God is blessing me with awesome
opportunities to share the gospel with others, particularly to
those still inside Mormonism (most especially my family).
Relationships with them were very strained when they learned of
my decision for Christ and I began witnessing to them, but I
have seen great evidence of the Lord working in their hearts. I
hope the Lord might continue to use me as a witness, and I
continue to pray for their salvation. As for my marriage, the
wounds I have inflicted have been powerfully destructive and
painful, but the Lord has done an amazing work in restoring our
relationship, and He continues that healing process in us day by
day. Relationships are so dramatically improved when Jesus
Christ becomes the foundation and center.
Certainly, I still face the storms of life as do the rest of us;
but the knowledge that God will always be there to carry me
through gives me the most unspeakable joy. I want everyone who
ever may read this to know I will forever praise His name for
the forgiveness He has given me; for releasing me from sin and
from the bondage of Mormon theology.
With love,
Casey Corbridge
CSCorbridge@hotmail.com
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